Steven Wright quotes ...

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Started by carlberky - April 11, 2019, 5:04 p.m.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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Re: Steven Wright quotes ...

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By metmike - April 11, 2019, 5:17 p.m.

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Hadn't seen anything from this guy in ages but he was always one of my favorites

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By metmike - April 11, 2019, 5:29 p.m.

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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, “I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.”
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.”

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By metmike - April 11, 2019, 5:53 p.m.

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The Very Best Of - Comedian Steven Wright

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