Many of us spend hours a day working for money to support our family or for productive projects or for hobbies or many other things but don't think about human relationships...........which are the most important of all.
We think about what we are doing much of the time but with relationships, it's a conditioned response for so much of our lives that we no longer think about it because we assume that it's just part of our personality and we are just being who we are.
Bad habits never get corrected, even when they cause negative impacts because, even if we make the connection and might try to avoid the same mistake if it does great harm, very often corrections are temporary and not enough thought goes into this in order to PREVENT the permanently damaging mistakes and to make permanent adjustments that contribute positively.
I'm focusing on the most important relationship for many of us.....our spouse in this thread, mainly because this is what inspired me to start the thread. I want to be a better husband and have a better marriage.
Not because we have problems but because I realize that it matters MUCH more than making political posts here and I spend hours on that here and almost no time on what's 1 million times more important.
So I didn't think.........hey, let's think up some wonderful topics for MarketForum..........which I often do.
Instead I thought.... I really love my wife and want to commit to doing things to be a better husband and having the best marriage and KNOW that I can do this by just thinking about and practicing some little things every day.
And THEN, I thought. It's awesome that this can be shared for others to do the same thing............and nobody will disagree with this objective/idea!
More in a minute.
My wife helps me be a better husband. She is so generous iin her spirit, her manner and her actions that I feel compelled to reciprocate in kind.
She asks one thing only. “ Please water the flowers”. By that she means little acts of love on a daily basis. A plant dies if it doesn’t get water. Similarly with relationships.
It could be something as simple as a note in her nightstand saying how lucky I feel to have such a wonderful life partner. Once in a while I call her and sing a verse on her voice mail. Another thing she loves is when I randomly clean the kitchen or floors and say nothing about it.
It comes back 2-3 fold. “Why don’t you call one of your buddies for a boys night or a golf outing” etc…
She says “I was put on this earth to make you happy.”
That is definitely our post of the week! Thanks for sharing these wonderful acts of kindness and love with us.
It's so profoundly true what your wife said too!
If we are looking for our partner to make us happy and they are looking for us to make them happy, it's the recipe for problems.
One the other hand, if we make it a top priority to make our other half happy, when we are successful and it works..........they are happy and we are happy because they are happy and it makes us complete!
I tell my wife all the time that the most important thing in my life is for her to be happy.
This thread today, caused me to remind her of something that none of us do enough of.......tell her how smart, talented, successful and hard working that I know that she is and I admire and love her for that.
Not making stuff up but sincere, positive thoughts that we really have in our mind which we can never share enough with them.
We often take people in our lives for granted and even if we don't, we can almost never over express appreciation for them.
joj and his wife demonstrate this with his great examples.
And our actions rub off and set an example for others, just as theirs do on us.
But here's the thing. Not everybody has a perfect partner and of course we are flawed too. When that imperfect partner does something that deserves a response from us, many people will instinctively want to respond in kind.
This instinctive desire must be overcome. Even if they do it intentionally to hurt us in the heat of the moment because of being upset......because they are a good person with this flaw.
Instead of responding in kind, the toughest thing of all at that moment is to respond WITH kindness even though they don't seem to deserve it. Resolve disagreements, don't win arguments.
NOT let them run over you or abuse you on a regular basis but allow them to vent when your desire is to vent back.
I have a problem with this one. Sometimes, my wife just wants to be mad about something. I will try to talk her out of it by saying positive things about why she shouldn't be upset. This makes it worse because she thinks that I don't understand.
Best in those cases to provide sympathy and understanding and bite your tongue to try to NOT give them a pep talk when that sends the opposite message that THEY want to hear.
What they want to hear is what matters! Words do matter.
Don't lie or be too fake and insincere but what tends to happen to most people is that after awhile, you can start seeing their/the other person's point of view better when you try to view the world thru THEIR eyes instead of limiting your view to only YOUR eyes.
Always avoid saying things that we regret later. Words do matter and they can really hurt and cause serious damage in a relationship. Personal attacks to win an argument, might win the battle for you.........but you lose the war.
Tell your wife that you're glad you're married as often as possible.
If that's not true.........YOU have the power to change that and like joj stated, the rewards are 2 or 3 times greater than what you put into it.
Thanks again joj! How about others?
Much more to come.
Oh yes there is! The only requirement is the inspiration to do it.
Then, you just do it! See below:
The determining factor in whether couples feel satisfied with the sex, romance and passion, is by 70% the quality of their friendship with each other.
People in the most successful marriages spend 5 more hours a week being together and talking.
metmike: This is the absolute key below and everybody is capable of doing it........if they are inspired to do it.
TO SIMPLIFY, IMO ----------> DON'T PUT YOUR "BEST FOOT" FORWARD & PLAY CHARADE'S WHILE DATING ~ BE TOTALLY (BRUTALLY, IF NEED BE) HONEST & PUT THE REAL YOU FORWARD--------> REALIZE YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE, SO DON'T EVEN TRY ~ ONE CAN ONLY CHANGE THEMSELVES--------> TREAT LIKE YOU EXPECT TO BE TREATED-------------> NEVER SAY ANYTHING YOU DON'T MEAN ~ THE WRONG WORD'S CAN RIP A PERSON'S HEART OUT--------> PUT THE GOOD LORD ABOVE ALL ELSE ~ THE REST WILL COME, MUCH EASIER.
LIFE CAN BE SIMPLE & EASY, IF ONE DESIRE'S IT, OR, IT CAN BE TUMULTUOUS. WE ALL CHOOSE HOW WE LIVE LIFE.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF & LOVE YOURSELF ~ WHY EXPECT OTHER'S TO? LOL
K.I.S.S, COMES TO MIND
AS ALWAYS.....12345 (AKA: JEAN N.)
Thanks very much Jean.
MIKE ~ HERE IS A REAL LIFE EXAMPLE.... MY SISTER & HER HUSBAND HAVE BEE MARRIED FOR 50+ YEARS. THEY HAVE BICKERED & FOUGHT THEIR ENTIRE MARRIED LIFE & HAVE CONTEMPLATED DIVORCE, COUNTLESS TIMES.
40+ YEARS AGO, THEY DECIDED ON MARRIAGE COUNSELING. ON THEIR 3RD SESSION, THEY WERE GIVEN A WRITTEN EXAM. THE DAY BEFORE THEIR NEXT SESSION, THE COUNSELOR CALLED THEM WITH THE RESULTS & RECOMMENDED THEY SAVE THEIR MONEY & NOT RETURN. WHY? WELL... THEY ACTUALLY SCORED ONE OF THE HIGHEST SCORES ON RECORD FOR, (YOU GUESSED IT) HAPPINESS!!!!!
YEP, THEY CONTINUE ON ~ SCREAMING, YELLING & BELLOWING AT EACH OTHER, EXCEPT WHEN THEY'RE IN PUBLIC! (THEY CAN REALLY PUT ON A "SHOW") NEEDLESS TO SAY: I TOLERATE BEING AROUND THEM, BUT... FOR VERY SHORT SPURT'S
I FINALLY QUIT ASKING THEM HOW THEY CAN STAND LIVING LIKE THAT. THEIR ANSWER WAS ALWAYS THE SAME: "OH, BUT... IT'S SO FUN TO MAKE UP!"
TO EACH THEIR OWN, BUT..... NOT AROUND ME, PLEASE! I LIVE PEACEFULLY & QUIETLY. LOL
Maybe this is them?
WELL... I SURE DON'T BELIEVE PEOPLE THAT THRIVE ON ANGER, ETC. ARE NORMAL.
PERSONALLY, I CAN'T STAND DISSENSION IN ANY FORM, ONCE IT GET'S HEATED UP. I NEVER FORGET IT & WILL WALK AWAY FROM ANYONE, BECAUSE OF IT.
WHEN CIVILITY 1ST BEGINS TO GO OUT THE WINDOW, THAT PERSON IS HISTORY TO ME. THEY'LL NEVER CHANGE & I CAN'T TOLERATE A LACK OF RESPECT, IN A DISAGREEMENT.
I GUESS THAT MAKES ME ABNORMAL!! LOLOLOL THAT'S OKAY, 'THO. HAHAHAHAAAA I'VE ALWAYS BEEN VERY EASY GOIN' & I STEER CLEAR OF THOSE THAT AREN'T. LIFE IS MUCH TOO SHORT & PRECIOUS TO WASTE TIME BEING IN AN ANGERED TIZZY...ANGRY PEOPLE AREN'T SURE OF THEMSELVES & FEEL INFERIOR ...IMO, OF COURSE.
A PSYCHOLOGIST FRIEND OF MINE HAS ALWAYS TOLD ME I'VE GOT THE "SIMPLEST" MIND HE'S EVER COME ACROSS & HE'S ALWAYS TRIED TO EMULATE IT, TO NO AVAIL. LOL
What I've found is very often the case. People will read articles like the one below and agree in their heads that it makes complete sense.........then, go back to violating some of the rules as if they never read the article.
We accept in our minds, often subconsciously the things that define how we think and who we are and people are creatures of habit that like to have those habits reinforced by others just like us or, in the case of marriages, we don't look for reasons for why we could be doing a better job but often, to defend what we are doing now as being good enough.
This is the recipe for NOT changing anything which means NEVER improving ourselves or our marriage.
Since none of us are perfect/we all have tons of flaws, that mindset means those flaws will always be flaws.
Many people are just fine with that.
However, for me personally, learning new things and becoming a better, smarter person that shares it with the world are a tremendous source of fulfillment that could never be matched by things in the material world. It gives our lives more meaning.
The best part about it is that its one of the few things that nobody can take from us or force us to do. You and me have almost complete control over this.
We cannot make our partner change. However, we can act in a way that motivates them to change or be a better person by treating them special.
The worst that can happen when we have the right frame of mind is:
1. They don't change and we are frustrated..........but not so much if we are giving unconditional love, which means its not given, only because we expect the other person to return the same amount back. So we feel good about ourselves in how we behave and being a better person becomes a habit for us. Not bad for a bad outcome.
The best things that can happen:
1. The sky is the limit.......acts of kindness almost always pay dividends. Sometimes in ways that we never anticipated and often are passed on, growing exponentially from touched lives interacting with other people, who benefit and pass it on.
2. Who is more important than the person that you've decided to spend your life with or have dedicated your life to care for? I'm alluding here also to dependents and suggesting applying the same principle..........and why not everybody?
10 Rules For A Happy Marriage