mcfarm,
Not all of your post showed up and not enough to clearly understand it.
So I fixed it for you:
Layoffs Delayed As Dept. Of Education Unable To Calculate What Fifty Percent Of Employees Would Be
WASHINGTON, DC — Layoffs at the Department of Education were delayed yesterday after administrators could not calculate how many employees fifty percent would be.
"We got an order from the President to cut our employment numbers by fifty percent, but how in the world would you calculate that? Do you like, times something?" DOE employee Kaitlyn Miller told the press. "Maybe you divide, or even square root something. We really don't know how to proceed. I wish there were some sort of department of fractions."