Onion Headline
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Started by joj - Oct. 9, 2019, 5:01 a.m.

GOP lawmakers watch silently as Trump strangles each of their loved ones in turn.

By metmike - Oct. 9, 2019, 9:01 a.m.
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Please help us out a little on this one. If you are introducing humor give us a bit more than a confusing sentence plucked from a satirical source.

By joj - Oct. 9, 2019, 10:38 a.m.
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Sorry, I thought it was painfully obvious.

Republican politicians, with rare exceptions, cannot speak out against Trump corruption or Lies or incendiary tweets lest they get attacked in a primary by a Trump loyalist.

I heard one GOP analyst say if the impeachment vote were a secret ballot 35 GOP senators would vote to convict.

By metmike - Oct. 9, 2019, 10:49 a.m.
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Uhhh, no, quite obviously not.

Here let me help you out.

This is the article that Joj is referring to from the satirical site and the link provided below so that you can actually read and understand it.

GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn


Illustration for article titled GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn

WASHINGTON—Opting to take more of a wait-and-see approach instead of rushing to pass judgment, Republican lawmakers reportedly looked on in silence Tuesday as President Trump worked his way through each of their families and, one by one, strangled all their loved ones to death. “After I watched the president slowly and methodically squeeze the life out of my wife’s body as she gasped, futilely, for breath, he gave me his personal assurance that he was not responsible for her death, so I continue to stand by this administration,” said Rep. Scott DesJarlais (R-TN), who along with every Republican in both the House and Senate stated that while killing off their families in cold blood might not be entirely proper, it was certainly not an impeachable offense, no matter how the media tried to spin it."

ps, I had that info from the get go but was hoping that you would have been kind enough to provide it for us............as you know I ask for links for sources, which, is absolutely needed  for context if you are doing satire. I added the picture too in this case to make it funnier(for you).

Please adhere to this policy in the future.

By metmike - Oct. 9, 2019, 10:56 a.m.
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To help you out even more, here's another example from The Babylon Bee, another satirical site but this one is conservative:

New Law Requires You To Listen To Greta Thunberg Lecture Before Purchasing Gasoline


October 7th, 2019


U.S.—A series of new bills working their way through state legislatures in New York, California, Oregon, Hawaii, and several other progressive states will require you to listen to a Greta Thunberg lecture before purchasing gasoline.


Motorists will be required to watch a 20-minute lecture by the 16-year-old climate activist before they purchase gallons and gallons of harmful fossil fuels.

"We want to make sure drivers are informed," said California Governor Gavin Newsom, who says he will sign the bill into law. "So we are having them get lectured by a 16-year-old so they will have all the facts before they do something rash like put gasoline in their cars to go to work."

By TimNew - Oct. 9, 2019, 12:52 p.m.
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By metmike - Oct. 9, 2019, 1:28 p.m.
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Thanks Tim!